I have been blogging now for nearly 3 years, I am a small time blogger, but at least I know how it works and the pressures that it creates. Don’t want to make you cry again or dredge something up if you are having a good moment, but I have just read your cry for help on social media and felt I needed to respond.
Forgive me that this note doesn’t seem very personal, in some ways it isn’t for I have written a version of this in several emails to several friends. My main point is – even though you think no one understands, you are not alone.
Believe it or not, I understand what you are going through – these panic attacks, the feeling that you are alone, the feeling that you cannot cope. Along with a lot of the readers of you blog, I have been there too, when but you think things cannot get any worse there is a light, hold in there.
Why does it happen, why does your life grind to a halt ? – you have friends, you are busy yet there is no warning.
Worse – not being able to shake how you feel can rock your entire world.
Looking back to my own personal problems, I can see that my downhill spiral was a combination of allsorts of life pressures (please note they were not all bad but pressures nonetheless) and a string of undiagnosed health problems. But I was so busy feeling guilty that I wasn’t coping that I made the situation worse.
I went to the Drs and they suggested I went on antidepressants but that did not help me dissect the problems that made me so angry and desperate it also didn’t help my health issues, it was a solution but it covered up the reasons and it didn’t help ME.
I lost three years – yes three years. I hid myself away, shunned all my friends, never left the house, gave up work. Now looking back, and with the right medication to help most of my physical problems I am thankfully feeling much better, I can also verbalise the triggers that tipped me over the edge. I can also see that none of my desperate feelings could be avoided.
I have a few suggestions – stop reading if you like, but because I care, I want to share where I went wrong and give you a few suggestions.
- You portray yourself as always bubbly and happy-go-lucky. That is a real pressure in itself. Slow down, it is WONDERFUL filling your life to the brim with outings, meeting people, old friends and new people, events, gym, food, etc etc etc. Life is tremendous fun and it is great living life to the max. I, like you suffer from FOMO (fear of missing out)
Take time to enjoy the simple pleasure of enjoying your own company. A night in front of trashy TV is exactly what your body needs, both physically and mentally. Do NOT feel guilty about chilling out and recharging.
- You don’t HAVE to commit everything to social media or a blog. It is great to put that phone and tablet away for an evening and concentrate on real people. Have a real conversation. Have a fit of giggles. If you are invited through your blog or course you have responsibilities, but if it is for YOU savour it and enjoy it.
Blogging is a hobby, a pastime. Work is work and it needs to be done but a hobby should work for you. You should enjoy it and not feel pressured. I am NOT suggesting give it up, it is your baby, and extremely creative and a joy to read, the blogging community would miss it. But slow down and don’t worry about missing a day or week. Make it work for you.
- Surround yourself with friends. You have met 100s of lovely bloggers through your blog, all really nice.
But you know who are your real friends and not just jolly nice people you have met. If you were in trouble, who would you telephone?
Would you be upset if one of your true friends didn’t call you if they were in trouble? You don’t have to wait until trouble happens – THEY are the friends you need to make time and see or at least speak to once a week. The friends you make you smile because they know you inside out. Laugh together, Cry together, live together.
- Young people today often live away from their parents, and it is hard being suddenly independent and an adult. It is not easy. If you miss home, go home whenever you can – book that train, megabus, easy jet flights, relax at home – go home regularly, recharge.
- Get checked out by the Doctors, they do not know everything and although antidepressants can help, don’t be fobbed off with them, get to the root of the problem.
- Above all though, it is OK to feel as you do. Don’t beat yourself up by it. But look after yourself rather than always trying to please or reach out to the wide community. Reach out to people who know and love you.
If I am way off mark, I apologise, I am truly only trying to help. Words come easy but actions speak louder than words so if there is anything I can do let me know.
Note: This post is an amalgamation of 3 emails I have sent in as many months. It seems that Bloggers are putting themselves under so much pressure, watching the amount of followers that have and trying to please everyone. Relax, de-stress, recognise your reall friends, go back to your roots and Live!