I have been blogging now for nearly 3 years, I am a small time blogger, but at least I know how it works and the pressures that it creates. Don’t want to make you cry again or dredge something up if you are having a good moment, but I have just read your cry for help on social media and felt I needed to respond.
It was a shock seeing you in town today, it has been a long time.
I was very proud of myself I didn’t cry I didn’t shout or whinge, and I didn’t run away which is what I wanted to do most. I was calm, I put a smile on my face and I managed to be friendly.
The last time we met you were very cruel. You said things that hurt me very deeply. We had been good friends and I couldn’t believe what you said.
Now I’m sad.
Maybe I should’ve said something today, maybe I should’ve told you how I have been feeling the last few months. Yes months…you probably haven’t given my feelings a second thought. But saying something wouldn’t have solved anything. there is too much water under the bridge now.
I still miss your friendship but maybe it was all one sided. Maybe you didn’t class it as a friendship. I obviously didn’t mean as much to you as you meant to me. I hadn’t done anything wrong and was going through a difficult time with someone but not only did you side with them but you chose to deliberately hurt me and kick me when I was down. I do understand that you were in a difficult position and I realise you had to follow the crowd and side against me but to say those things was completely uncalled for.
But today I smiled and we chatted for a while. Caught up to a certain extent. It was obvious you are oblivious to the pain you caused with your damning words. You have no idea how I cried, it was the straw that finally broke me after being strong for so long. I had thought better of you. I was wrong.
We discussed meeting up for coffee sometime. I haven’t got the strength. For me there will always be that elephant in the room. I would want to know what I did so wrong… I have spent too long healing to risk wounds being opened again.
Finally I have moved on. Seeing you in the street after so long shocked me but I was proud of myself holding it together.
But, no, we won’t be meeting for coffee anytime soon.